Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Premier League footballers in panto cartoon fun


This sporting blog brings to you this festive season the ghost of Christmas past.

What we have here are images from the calendar of the now defunct weekly magazine 90 Minutes (published by IPC).

The year was 1995 or 1996. The cartoonist is brilliant. His copyright goes to all cartoons.

Here we go and Merry Christmas:













Monday, December 05, 2011

Martin O'Neill programme notes

Martin O'Neill has just been appointed Sunderland AFC manager.

Printed below is a copy of his programme notes from his time as manager of Wycombe Wanderers.

They are long, they are brilliant. For Sunderland fans, they are a must read.

Here goes:

Thank you for making Saturday an unforgettable day in the history of Wycombe Wanderers Football Club. Not only did you make it like a home game for us but you were worth the proverbial goal start. On behalf of the players, a massive thanks to all of you who made the journey to Sutton. Wembley here we come again. Over the past few seasons I have received all sorts of letters, some complimentary, others less so, some misguidedly well meaning, others embarrassingly patronising but I don't think I've ever been so upset as I was with the following letter written by a Vice President (name and address supplied) last week.

Dear Martin, Having watched Wycombe struggle against Boston, Sutton and now Woking I have decided to drop you a line again. I appreciate that we have lost our backbone for these games (central defence Glyn Creaser centre midfielder Stapes centre forward Scotty, not to mention Sir Matt for the first two) but the inspired display against Dagenham has been followed by lacklustre displays since. The effort and endeavour is still there but the shape has gone. I simply cannot understand the logic of dragging off Mark West against Sutton to give the now lamentable Dennis Greene his place, whilst to give him two minutes against Woking defies logic or exudes panic.

Simon Hutchinson for a good half of last season was totally ineffective, yet this season when he at last is displaying his true form he is relegated to 15 minute appearances. Did it escape your attention that against D & R we had a small forward line and played with real spirit when Dave Carroll went.

To couple Westy with Trevor Aylott is to combine a thoroughbred with a carthorse. I am sure Trevor Aylott was a good player and he still shows deft touches now and then, but he has no pace and does not look fully fit. The tactics of hooking the ball in the air for him to win are even more sterile than with Scotty because for all his size Keith Scott is actually very quick, whereas Trevor Aylott is potentially not.

Tim Langford is the worst header of a ball I have seen, so that his positive attribute has to be pace. He has this but he lacks ball control at the crucial moments - in other words he is like Dennis Greene. John Kerr was playing for Chertsey earlier this season and gave by all accounts a superb display last Saturday for Millwall - did you try to sign him!

The referee last night may have done you an unwitting favour by asking you to leave the pitch - if you sit in the stands higher up it looks easier (which it's not) but the pluses and minuses of the team are clearer to see. I know if is difficult for you not to be on the line but sometimes getting so involved at such a close level is counter productive. I suppose the alternative is to look at the videos of the game afterwards, but of course these are selective in their coverage.

I am not suggesting any more than one match viewing the game at a higher level. Against West Bromwich Albion I stood on the rails exactly opposite you. My friend watched the game on Sky TV. When I spoke to him on Monday morning his view of the game, the players and the way the match went was vastly different to mine - I subsequently saw the video and could understand his comments on the amount of possession, and the performances of both West Brom and Wycombe players.

What has happened to Kim Casey and Les Thompson? Kim seems to be either unfit or to have lost his bottle his injury probably wouldn't have happened if he hadn't ducked away from the ball. Les Thompson was supposed to be our solution to the left back problem but after his roasting a week or so ago he has vanished. It seems our team will be Hyde: then Ryan Ryan Ryan Ryan forthe back four with occasional appearances in midfield if our injuries and suspensions get any worse.

The opposition have discovered how to beat and contain Wycombe - keep the ball on the deck. Kettering's goals were beautifully worked, whilst Sutton and Boston made inroads repeatedly into Wycombe's defence by doing this. Andy Kerr, Matt, Anton and Glyn Creaser are all superb headers of a ball so that it is futile for the opposition to leather the ball upfield, where our back four gobble it up. Unfortunately too often it is spooned in the opposite direction. Perhaps a sweeper like Richardson of Bromsgrove who controlled, and settled the back four may be called for? I enjoyed your meeting last season with the V.P. and Leagueline members. Will there be a repeat? It's not all brickbats you know.
Best wishes for the next gruelling fortnight and beyond.
Yours sincerely

Perhaps, Sir the shape of a team comes from the "backbone", which you have admitted yourself has been decimated by injury. If you actually admit such a thing, I don't therefore see your point. But to call the display against Boston lacklustre? Are you serious? You must have been the only one in the 4,500 crowd who felt that our performance which included missing a penalty, hitting the crossbar and scoring three goals was lacklustre. Do you have a dictionary handy? Against Sutton in the first semi-final we were defensively poor but, although I have learned not to deal in "if onlys", I felt that had Mark West scored a simple header to give us a 3-2 lead a few minutes before they actually got their third goal, we may well have won the home tie. The point I am making is that, from an attracting view point I doubt if our performance could have been described as lacklustre. Still, when it has really mattered this season the players have delivered - every time, so far! Did it escape YOUR notice sir that in that lacklustre display against Woking we played the last 25 minutes of the game with ten players, Cousins having been very harshly sent off for a challenge when he's actually played the ball, and David Carroll almost amputated by their centre half Nugent in their penalty box, with no penalty given - video evidence absolutely conclusive on both counts!!! We hung on resolutely for a much deserved point - a point which may ultimately clinch the championship for us.

At this point I apologise profusely to you on behalf of these teams, who, instead of posting us down the three points, actually turn up and try to prevent us from winning matches, which as you know, has become our divine right these last few seasons. How dare they field all eleven players, close us down, tackle and have not only the audacity to keep a clean sheet - as happened once this season at Adams Park - but also the temerity to score goals with `beautifully worked moves' like Sutton, Boston and Kettering. So far this year we have been breached 20 times in 27 games at Adams Park once every 121 minutes, so these beautiful moves are well worth waiting for- yet at the same time scored a paltry 62 goals here. Has it escaped your notice sir that we have scored more goals than any other team in England except Newcastle United who have played six more games and spent £7 million pounds more than us. Not all brickbats, you say!

I am also sorry that my substitutions and the timing of them are beyond your considerable but hardly Einsteinian comprehension. Very little that happens to my players on the field escapes my notice, sir. It also didn't escape my notice that your letter to me last year criticised the 'ponderous' Scott. Changed your mind a little, I see? Also in that same egregious epistle last year you wanted to know why we didn't play with small fast forwards like West, John Kerr and David Gipp. Pointing out that we did so in 1989/90 (before I arrived) and thrashed Runcorn 5-0, this particular game being an absolute treat to watch.

A feature of your writing sir, is to take an incident or game out of context, praise or vilify, as you see fit and then force some point home to suit your argument. I have checked that Runcorn result. You're right. Wycombe won 5-0. The previous game with the self same small, fast forward line, Wycombe lost 1-0 to Kettering. No goals? Must have been a lot of fun that? The following matches played with the same small, quick bright forwards read like this. in chronological order.

1-1 against Gravesend & Northfleet F.A. Cup
1-1 again (120 minutes) against the same team.
1-1 with Telford
*3-0 Victory against Gravesend & Northfleet
4-1 defeat by Stafford in the F.A. Cup
1-0 defeat by Chorley
and then 2-1 defeat at home to Yeovil.
* One victory in eight games with only seven goals scored (5 of them against Gravesend)! Do you see what I mean about taking something out of context?

Almost enough to get a manager the sack? Which reminds me. I got this job because Wycombe were lying 14th in the League and already out of the F.A. Trophy, beaten 3-1 at home to those giants of non-League football - the Metropolitan Police, in front of 1,100 people. If I feel annoyed with your letter then perhaps a few of the lads may be incensed by it. Kim Casey showed enough 'bottle' at Sutton or didn't you agree? Although Tim Langford has yet to settle in, he actually won the sponsors Man of the Match in that epic encounter with Slough a few weeks ago and Trevor Aylott, described by myself as having invented the world 'immobile' came on loan to us just before transfer deadline, when Scott injured himself, with no promise whatsoever of a game but prepared, if needed to lend a hand over the "gruelling" few weeks ahead. He was first into the dressing room at Sutton to congratulate the players in general and Keith Scott in particular.

You remark on the non-signing of John Kerr. The same John Kerr that played in that remarkable run of non-success that I mentioned earlier? The same John Kerr that decided he had done enough for this club and walked out of his own free will for greener pastures I am told?

Because Miliwall signed him that makes him a good player? I believe he used to play rather infrequently for Portsmouth. Why didn't they re-sign him? Why was he playing for Chertsey in the first place? Actually, I have never seen him play. I only wish now that I had been here for that splendid ten game spell he had with the Club that saw Wanderers go from 20th in the league to - well, 19th actually!!! His last game was if the record book is correct, that 4-1 hammering by Stafford in the F.A. Cup. Perhaps he would have benefited from having a Keith Scott beside him instead of a David Gipp? Only a thought!!!

No one ever said that Les Thompson was the answer to the left back spot, sir, and since the Board employ me to run the Football Club then who I pick and who I leave out is entirely up to me. When I consistently get it wrong, the supporters will soon let me know, the Board will act accordingly and you can post your application as hastily as you send me your well thought out letters. ‘Not all brickbats, you know.' God knows what you would be writing about if things were going badly!!!

Please forgive my cynicism but the conversation you had with your friend after seeing two different views of the West Bromwich Albion Cup match must have been spell-binding. Ironically the critics said that our mistake in that game was to attempt to 'out-football' one of the best footballing sides around. Again I apologise to you now for asking Steve Guppy that day to spoon a corner into the air to enable Creaser to head a goal for us. Did you see all the West Bromwich Albion players go straight to the referee to complain that the goal shouldn't have counted because the ball was in the air? Maybe that's what your friend saw from the stand? Remarkably we have gained a reputation throughout the country as one of the best non-League footballing teams seen for quite some time. Not enough for your good self obviously. Oh by the way you've mentioned West, Hutchinson, Sir Matt, John Kerr, Les Thompson and Kevin Richardson as players to choose. I am earnestly hoping you have left room for Hyde, Cousins, Ryan (Ryan Ryan Ryan), Andy Kerr, Steve Thompson, the erstwhile 'ponderous' Scott, Steve Guppy blimey, that's 13 already without even mentioning Creaser and Stapleton, when fit, and David Carroll although you may not want him anyway. I must nip in and ask John Carroll if he wouldn't mind us playing 16 or 17 players tonight just so you can get all your selections on display. Fitting them all in and playing with small, quick and therefore, according to your good self, real spirited forwards should win you any game you like. Bring on AC Milan, I say now.

Finally do your remember the next game played by those teams who have discovered how to beat Wycombe - that growing band of seven teams, including West Bromwich Albion who have managed to do so this season? Kettering, of the beautifully worked moves, got hammered by Merthyr Tydfil the following Tuesday evening, Boston 2-0 at home to Gateshead, and Sutton lost 4-0 at home to - oh yes, Wycombe Wanderers.

Your comments, sir, I treat with the disdain they deserve. The only reason I may watch some of tonight's game from the stand is, ironically enough, not because of your good self but because of another gentleman who needs little introduction at this club. I am afraid I will not be answering any more personal entreaties this season. I just hope you can put up with this shapeless football for a little while longer, sir. I also hope you are as good at your own chosen profession as I am at mine. In all this commotion I almost clean forgot. If the result at Slough has gone reasonably well on Tuesday night we might be playing for the Vauxhall Conference Championship tonight.

Martin O'Neill