Michael Schumacher. Michael Schu are a cheat.

by Garry Cook

And so it came to pass that, with just three races to go, the greatest driver of them all announced that he would be bringing the curtain down on his illustrious career at the end of the season. God bless the genius that is Michael Schumacher.

Or, to put it another way, the cheating German swine has quit.

At, 37, and with a record-breaking seven world titles to his name, Ferrari driver Schuey has decided it's time to take his foot off the gas. Take pole position on the sofa. Pull into the slow lane. Cruise into the sunset.

Having racked up 90 victories, 68 pole positions, 75 fastest laps, plus a record-busting 13 wins in a season (2004) and 148 points in a season (also 2004) , he will be able to lie back in retirement with satisfaction.

And having cut Fernando Alonso's title lead to just two pints, an eighth title is looking very possible.

But the hero of the tifosi will leave behind a legacy that is far from pure genius. In fact, as Marc Almond once almost said, Schumacher's reign has been dogged by tainted love.

In 1994, then with Benetton, Schumacher grabbed his first world title in sickening circumstances.

In the final race in Australia, the German was about to lose the title to Brit Damon Hill after his Benetton suffered a terminal fault.

As Hill passed, Schuey swung his Benetton deliberartely into Hill's Williams - taking both cars out of the race and clinching the title. Disgusting.

At the Spanish Grand Prix in Jerez in 1997, Schuey pulled off a similar manoeuvre as Jaques Villeneuve slipped past on the way to the title. All of a sudden BANG. Ferrari hits Williams. But this time Villeneuve's Williams escaped unscathed. Schuey finished second in the drivers' title before being stripped of his runners' up spot.

Both occasions highlight the desperate measures the German will go to in order to win.

What was the difference between 1994 and 1997? The FIA took action when Shcuey finished second in 1997 but did not dare strip him of his title three years earlier. Total cop-out.

Strip the sports biggest star of his first world title? No chance. But he cheated! Sorry, no. I mean, really cheated! No can do. Schumacher quite unliterally got way with murder.

Such dangerous and desperate driving should have been stamped out quickly and harshly. But, as happened on numerous occasions in Schumacher's career, he got off lightly.

While with Benetton he was banned after his team were found guilty of tampering with their fuel hose, taking out a safety valve so they could get fuel into the engine quicker. This is the same team who nearly cremated Jos Verstappen earlier that season when their fuel hose, and then the Dutchman's car, caught fire.

Even this season (2006) Schumacher proved he had not matured from his cheating ways when he deliberately parked his car on a dangerous corner in Monaco to stop anyone else going faster than him in qualifying.

He was slated over night and, thankfully, was stripped of his pole by race stewards.

I remember when Schumacher made his debut for Jordan at the Belgium Grand Prix where he stunned the sport with a superb qualifying lap (seventh). His first race did not last longer than a lap but he had done enough to win a move to Benetton for the next race. He never looked back.

For the first half of his 16-year F1 career Schuey rarely made a driving error. Spins and slides creeped into his driving later on, but much of that came as he pushed an inferior car to victory. And even when he did spin, he would more often than not get away with it because of his lightning quick reactions.

Juan-Pablo Montoya was a far more exciting driver for me, but he slipped out of Formula 1 earlier this season with nothing to show for his efforts. Schuey was a winner.

Like the late, great Ayrton Senna, Schumacher controlled his teams at Benetton and Ferrari, insisting that all efforts to win were concentrated on him - at the expense of his team-mates.

In 1999, after breaking a leg and missing much of the season, Ferrari team-mate Eddie Irvine went into the final race with a chance of taking the title from Mika Hakkinen. If Schuamcher won the race, the title was Irvine's. But there was no way Schuey was going to let another driver bring Ferrari a first championship since 1979. The German finished second to Hakkinen, Irvine third. Hakkinen took the title by two points. Funny that.

But Schuey did win the title himself in 2000. All the glory. You can't have some playboy Irishman strolling in taking the headlines.

David Coulthard called it right the weekend Schuey announced his retirement, highlighting the flashpoints and revealing what little respect some drivers have for the German.

Great driver, yes. Hideous role model? Without doubt.

You can't respect a man who cheats his way to victory. It's not the British way.