Roy Keane watches Penguins. He's a wildlife lover.

by Garry Cook

It's not often a story in the paper brings me to tears, but this one did. Nearly.

Sunderland manager Roy Keane, the snarling, vindictive, uncompromising, win-at-all costs former Manchester United midfielder, has vowed to be kinder to others after watching a movie on... wait for it... you won't believe this... here it comes... the mating rituals of p-p-p-p-penguins.

While sitting alone in a Glasgow cinema watching The March of the Penguins, Keane reflected on his life and career - how he come to England from Ireland as an 18-year-old and how hard he had been on his team-mates down the years.

And Keane, who had just joined Celtic while his family stayed in Manchester when he came over all funny at the cinema, began to weep uncontrollably when he realised his attitude towards his ex-United colleagues was unjust.*

Just give me a moment to wipe my eyes and compose myself.

Keane said: "It made me think about when I first came to England, the 18-year-old who went to the pictures in the afternoon.

"Here I was 16 years on, back at the pictures. My life had come full circle. It was a lonely life and I wish I had been a wee bit easier on some of the foreign stars at United."

Apart from that fact that Keane had an 18-year career which largely consisted of him segregating himself from his team-mates, at Nottingham Forest, United and particularly with the Republic of Ireland, does this not sound a bit soft?

I'm all for Keane being a bit more talkative as Sunderland manager, his new chatty persona is far more appealing than the death stare and occasional explosive rant at his team-mates which had previously been the norm.

But isn't he exploding his greatest asset - the fear which he breathes into others - with his confessionals?

Though no longer a player, Keane still needs his aura of nastiness to frighten both his own team and the opposition.

But by admitting, say, that his furious persona was nothing more than an act will surely make opponents less weary of upsetting him of his team.

He was even a pundit on Sky Sports on Sunday for United's home defeat to Arsenal. It's good to talk and all that, but Keane is in danger of coming across all Michael Palin.

He says he is trying to curb his anger as a manager, and now this. Getting soppy, feeling remorse. Penguins. He'll be having Mick McCarthy round for a stopover next.

Come on Keane quit the lovey-dovey bollocks. Bawl into Neil Collins, give Jon Stead the hairdryer treatment. Tell Tommy Miller to fri**ing get his foot in.

Either that or keep your gob shut. Mean and moody, that's how we like it. How about this - imagine the entire Sunderland squad are FAI officials and they've just organised an away trip to Brighton via boat.

Get in there and start kicking off. Be the bastard we know you are. Call Niall Quinn a muppet again. Put Bobby Saxton on a diet. Anything. Just no more penguins.

* Roy Keane did not actually admit to crying while watching The March of the Penguins.